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Why had I done that? Because I wanted something? Or was it because I thought I owed her something? I didn't know and I didn't want to think about it. Karen was complicated and sometimes I felt like I wanted to touch her, but I knew I wasn't gay. I wasn't a lesbian. I didn't find her attractive the way I did Brandon. She was my friend, my best friend, why did I have other feelings?My head hurt and I had no answers. All I knew was that I didn't want Karen to know I'd had sex with Brandon. I tried to tell myself that it was because I didn't want to hurt her somehow or deal with jealousy if it came to that. But in reality there were other reasons too, selfish reasons that I didn't understand. I wasn't worried about losing her as a friend. Karen would still like me. She'd still be my best friend. She'd been trying to set me up with the guy anyway, so she couldn't be mad at me. It was the other that I didn't want to lose and I had no words for what the other was, but it was there. I wanted. Here I am at a funeral for eight of my friends, andI'm getting an erection just holding Keela's shoulder! When did her mamsget so big? You think I, of all people, would notice that my roommate hasbigger boobs than anyone on my wall! What am I blind? I must have seen hercoming out of the bathroom after a shower or something, but I just don'trecall anything like that."He followed her back to her seat, and sat in the chair next to hers allthrough the rest of the service. They went to the cemetery in Will's car,and after the eight coffins were laid to rest, Will said, "Keela, I don'tfeel right just going home. I'm going to take a walk to clear my head." Okay, Will! I can get a ride. I'll see you back at the apartment."He thought, "What the hell? Her voice sends shivers up my back and down tomy balls! What? Am I deaf, too? How could I not have noticed her voicebefore? Oh, God! I've got it bad, and its name is Keela!"He stopped and looked back at her, "Keela? You want to walk with me?".
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